Name: Missyle Elliott
Number: 410
Position You Play: Generally blocker, occasionally jammer
Injuries: Hideously deformed right foot from ill-fitting skate
Distinguishing Feature(s): Eternally gormless expression
Height: Not too big, not too small
Age: It changes every year
Sign: Virgo
Status: “Off the market”
Hometown: Poughkeepsie (puh-kip-see), NY, USA
Occupation: Researchy stuff
Loves: Skating as fast as I can, coconut water, Isa Chandra Moskowitz
Despises: Slippery floors
Penalties, Feuds, and General Bad Behavior: I’m very seldom naughty
Favourite Food or Drink: Cupcakes, dishes involving coconut milk, soya mochas

Name: Dr ‘Doc’ Feral
Number: 76
Position You Play: Blocker
Injuries: An assortment of bruises
Distinguishing Feature(s): Sweaty, curly fringe; hidden tattoos
Theme Song: Wild Thing
Height: 5’4�
Age: 31
Birthday: Lupercalia
Sign: Aquarius
Status: Non-domesticated
Hometown: Wilmington, North Carolina
Occupation: Academia
Loves: men in kilts, Nerf balls, kittens & puppies
Despises: train and tube cancellations, heights, coffee
Favourite Food or Drink: raw meat and a pint of Guinness
Favourite Quote: Take care of the luxuries and the necessities will take care of themselves ~Dorothy Parker

Bio: Dr Feral was first discovered in the late 1970s when scientists found a young feral child being reared by a pack of wolves in the wilds of the United States. Though many of the researchers faced horrible injuries from the vicious biting and scratching, the child was studied intensively at a variety of universities until brought to the UK in 2004 for further studies. By this time the wild child had learned from the psychologists, earned a doctorate and began to teach others her feral ways- but put on some skates to channel the remaining aggression through roller derby!

Name: Vix Viking
Number: 911
Position You Play: Blocker for now….
Injuries: no way
Distinguishing Feature(s): The one and only true Derby Viking!
Theme Song: Ministry, Just one fix (just one Vix)
Height: Small
Blood Type: It was drained a long time ago and filled with Mead.
Birthday: 19 April
Sign: Aries (yes i like horns)
Hometown: Where I lay my sword
Loves: To win
Despises: The christian take over of Sweden
Awards and Good Behavior: I’m always on my best behavior!
Favourite Food or Drink: Mead, spit roast and best of all Absolut Vodka
Favourite Quote: “I tolerate you”

Name: Cannon Fire
Number: 3
Position You Play: Er… all and none at the moment, if you see what I mean?
Injuries: Broken Ankle (spiral fracture with surgery) and the inevitable bruised tailbone / odd bruise.
Distinguishing Feature(s): Tattoo free skin (regrettably), the wrong skates (temporarily), and a sizeable pair of charlies (naturally).
Theme Song: ‘Ironman’ by Black Sabbath.
Height: Too damn tall for roller derby!
Age: 23
Birthday: 10th November 1983
Sign: Scorpio.
Sexual Preference: Curly-haired boys.
Status: Got mine.
Hometown: Physically, North London. Spiritually, Dorchester in Dorset, down by the sea.
Occupation: Shop girl/administrator for jewellery designer Stephen Einhorn.
Loves: Big trucks, stickers, old school metal, sea creatures, things that glow in the dark, all things piratical.
Despises: Arrogant men, double standards, seafood, grey tracksuits, Reebok Classics.
Awards and Good Behavior: Er… I’m a Godmother, does that count?
Penalties, Feuds, and General Bad Behavior: So much bad behaviour of a nature too dire to divulge here, so let’s just leave it at sex, drugs, and rock ‘n’ roll.
Favourite Food: Pizza and raspberries… not together, of course…
Favourite Drink: Water for the nine-to-five, and cider or dark rum and orange juice the rest of the time.
Favourite Quote: ‘In life, as in art, the beautiful moves in curves.’ - Edward Robert Bulwer-Lytton.
Favourite Movie: The Goonies, without a doubt.
Favourite Songs: ‘Iron Man’ and ‘Supernaut’ by Black Sabbath, ‘Bomber’ by Motorhead, too many to name by AC/DC, and anything by Jimi Hendrix.

And another thing:
Cannon Fire, aka Captain Charlie Chang, aka Charlie with the Charlies, aka Carlotta Sinonos, is a woman of many names but only two moods; really good and really bad. Half London, half West Country, her language is coarse but friendly, her friends are scattered but important, and her history is dark but entertaining. A previous committer of many crimes but committed of none, she now has her fun with the London Rollergirls, and fits in the odd bit of illustration when she can. Desperate to get a 3/4 sleeve of tattoos but nervous to do so because three separate psychics have told her she’ll live to an unusually old age, her current appearance is one crowned by messy hair, and assisted by an arm that won’t straighten, but she’s happy. A pirate with four crew members and a wench but no ship (yet), Cannon Fire is guaranteed to tell you that country kids play harder, though she knows that no one really plays harder than a London Rollergirl.

Name: n-emma-si5
Number: 5
Position You Play: Any I can get
Injuries: Throbbing red lumps and weeping blisters
Distinguishing Feature(s): Feet like porkie trotters (small), a lot of sweat
Theme Song: All Around my Hat (Steeleye Span)
Height: 5’3
Age: 37
Birthday: 14_01_70
Sign: Capricorn
Sexual Preference: big ol’ lezza
Status: In a relationship
Hometown: London
Occupation: Illustrator/Flash Animator
Loves: Wheels, water
Despises: Ladies Fingers/Okra, unfriendly people
Awards and Good Behavior: no
Penalties, Feuds, and General Bad Behavior: I don’t know where all my penalties came from, I thought I was the goodest girl!?!
Favourite Food or Drink: Chocolate Alpro , gin and tonic in large amounts (not your tiny pub measures!)
Favourite Quote: Anything that Woody Allen or Dorothy Parker have said
Favourite Songs: I love Christmas music the cheesier the better

My Bio: I grew up on the Greek side of Cyprus until I was incarcerated in boarding school (Catholic convent (yikes!)) at 12, in Sherborne in Dorset. They let me out at 18 (just about) and I moved to london to do my art foundation, then onto collage in Brighton, my mum told me to be careful because there were a lot of ‘Strange ladies’.

I moved back to London, where I joined the Rollergirls and everything seems to make sense… shoving, yelling and rolling about. What could be better? I intend to be one of the oldest Rollergirls around!!

We’ve been featured in the G2 section of today’s Guardian. Check us out! Don’t miss the Audio slideshow either…

Name: Mouchete
Number: 212FU
Position You Play: Blocker
Injuries: Pummeled soul
Distinguishing Feature(s): Blank yet meaningful stare, inarticulate heart filled with a longing for carnage
Theme Song: Magnificat by Claudio Monteverdi
Age: Girlish
Sign: Capriquarious
Status: In a relationship
Hometown: Charm City, USA (Go CCRG!)
Occupation: Cataloging and crashification
Loves: Missyle Elliott, Scarebud, and bumper cars
Favourite Food or Drink: Japanese green tea with roasted rice
Favourite Quote: “Ki Ki Ki, Moo Moo Moo” - Jason/Sister George
Favourite Movies: San Soleil, The Science of Sleep, and of course Mouchette
Favourite Songs: The Winner Takes It All by ABBA, I Know It’s Over by the Smiths

Deciding that revenge is much more fun than being dead, Mouchete has rolled out of her watery grave to wreak havoc on the cruel world that drove her there in the first place. Armed with machete sharp shoulders and a bludgeoning bum, rollergirls and oversexed camp counselors alike should watch out for the wrath of this waifish
wraith!

I’ve never been a sporty person. Never. Fact. I have actively avoided, discouraged and trash talked physical activity since the age of 11, when in my first inter-form netball match at ‘big school’ I was made to play Goal Defense (a position I’d never played before that day) and Laura Jones told me, after we lost, “I aint bein’ ‘orrible or nuffink, but you were rubbish.� I never had the right trainers, the right P.E. kit or the right attitude. I was the chubby grunger, it was never going to work. So I skulked, smoked, skived and eventually found sympathy from a fellow chub - my form teacher - and head of drama - 40 a day smoker - Mrs C. Who covered up for my absenteeism and found me ‘jobs’ to do, around the drama department. I mostly just sat in a cupboard (props cupboard mind, there were armchairs & everything) and read.

I’ve tried many times to start some kind of healthy eating/exercise plan, but it never lasted. In fact I’ve never really stuck at anything, as far back as Brownies I lost interest pretty quickly and went back to reading and T.V. There was horse riding, step aerobics, trampoline club, hockey, swimming… I’m a quitter (except where smoking is concerned)

Fast forward to last autumn and I found out about this insane sport called Roller Derby. Initially through a Myspace friend - Shank Williams - formally of Inland Empire Derby Divas - more recently part of the splinter group - So Cal Rollers. Anyway - she posted something about picking a skate name - suddenly she was no longer Jen, she was Shank. I wanted to know more. I did a bit of research, this was a sport? on roller-skates? …interesting…. bigger girls play alongside itty bitty ones? amazing! They’re all super glamorous beautiful punk rock chicks with bad ass tattoos and they all know each other and I know no one… hmmm?

It took me two months of being on the London Roller Girls twice weekly training reminder email list before I worked up the courage to go along. My complicated long distance relationship seemed to be at an end and I needed to break out of my routine of wallowing and cake. I had anxiety dreams the week before my first practise, I didn’t know anyone, I wasn’t wearing the right clothes, all my teeth fell out - you know the kind of thing. So I went along, I fell over, I skated into walls to stop myself, I watched the fully fledged rollergirls smashing into each other. I grinned. I was hooked.

After my first Saturday training session I couldn’t walk properly until the Wednesday. It may not have been that hardcore compared to the sessions I’ve gotten used to since but it was the closest I’d come to breaking a sweat in … well, forever.

So I did my 5 months of blisters and callouses on starter skates 2 sizes too big for me (that’s how skate shops in this country recommend you to buy them) trying to keep up with the others on wheels that barely turned, getting down with basic skills while slowly building up fitness. And then, finally, I got my first pair of Derby worthy skates,(that’s a story in itself…one for another day perhaps) hand built in the USA, soft leather, - with arch supports! My inner couch potato shivered with disgust at how excited I was over sports equipment. But my Roller Derby alter ego could barely control herself!

I’ve now had my new skates, my super sexy Riedell 265s a month. We have built up a beautiful friendship, I have named them ‘the Skates of ultimate Destruction‘ now I just need to live up to their potential. I’ve been taking master classes in suicide stops and transitions from Bette Noir - Roller Queen extrordinaire - formerly of Angel City Derby Girls. Currently London Roller Girls in house expert. But I’m still not quite there, my brain wants to but my legs wont quite obey.

So I was thinking, if this were a movie, I would have gone from my chubby, sports hating, giving up, shy former self, discovered rollerderby, got my first pair of awesome skates and right about now I’d be in the middle of my montage, pounding the streets, lifting weights, falling down as I practised my suicide stops over and over on my own private, deserted rink (Hey, this is my movie, a girl can dream)…until…. duh daaaaah! I emerge, a beautiful, bout ready butterfly who can simultaneously woo the crowds (in my film our first bout would be at some amazing stadium with banked seating with thousands of people screaming our names) and knock some bitches down!

So, if anyone can fix it up for me…. I’m ready for my montage!

PS. About the scary, glamorous punk rock tattooed girls, they’re awesome! Although the ‘girl politics’ can get a bit much for someone like me who has no sisters and works in an almost exclusively male environment, the fun times out weigh the stress. As for the glamour, no one looks amazing after two hours of sweating under a helmet and as for taking out gum-shields covered in stringy spit…

Rose Hypnol

Name: Fox Sake
Number: 04
Position You Play: Blocker. I jam sometimes, but I like hitting people too much…
Injuries: Sprained ankle, impressive set of bruises
Distinguishing Feature(s): Lack of respect for my elders and betters. I don’t care if you’ve been skating for ages, I’m still taking your ass down
Theme Song: Transplants - Romper Stomper
Height: Small enough to lull you into a false sense of security
Blood Type: Northern
Age: Whippersnapper
Hometown: I’m a proud Scouser
Occupation: Professional widow geek
Loves: Adrenaline, speed, the sound of a jammer hitting the floor, kittens
Despises: Losing, injuries
Penalties, Feuds, and General Bad Behavior: Ongoing feud with gravity
Favourite Food or Drink: Jack & coke, margaritas, pizza, sushi

Foul-mouthed, feisty and fearless, Fox Sake first learnt to skate when challenged to a race at the local rink by her worst enemy, the girl who’d made her school years hell. Leading the race, but tiring fast, Fox knew there was only one way to win - as her nemesis drew level, she delivered a vicious body block, slamming the other girl to the ground and leaving her lying bleeding in the dust. With vengeance finally hers, Fox left her hometown and headed south to London and her spiritual home - the roller derby arena.

Name: Sky Rockit
Number: #17
Position You Play: Jammer
Injuries: A clicky nose from headbutting a helmet face first, dents in my shin bones, bruised heart… but that’s a different story
Distinguishing Feature(s): Lack of tattoos (so far)
Theme Song: Too Fast for Love – The Donnas
Height: 5′2
Age: 24
Birthday: 9 Jan
Status: Single
Hometown: East London
Occupation: Arts journalist
Loves: Accordions, crafts, comics, my bike, sleep
Despises: People who confuse roller derby with roller discos
Awards and Good Behavior: Queen of the Track (The Great Rock ‘n’ Roller Derby Swindle), Jammiest Jammer (New Year’s Retribution), generally angelic
Penalties, Feuds, and General Bad Behavior: if I never hear ‘Sky Rockit! Cutting Track!’ again it will be too soon
Skating with LRG since: Jan 2007
Favourite Food or Drink: Sushi, ice cream, whiskey
Favourite Movie: Serenity, Juno, Josie and the Pussycats
Favourite Songs: The Blow: Fists Up

Sky Rockit landed on Earth after being outlawed from her home planet for vigilante violence on eight wheels. When she’s not fighting crime on the streets of London or writing about it under a Clark Kent-style alias, she finds time to play, fight and party with the London Rollergirls – the best league in this galaxy.