Name: Kitty DeCapitate
Number: XOXO
Position: on skates
Injuries: a big ugly blister from her new skates, and a roller derby obsession that has infected her brain
Distinguishing Features: generally to be seen in lots of pink, Hello Kitty tattoo, stars on her back, charming aussie drawl
Height: none of your business
Blood Type: pink
Age: 26
Birthday: 06.09.80
Sign: Virgo/Monkey
Sexual Preference: cute
Hometown: Melbourne, Australia
Occupation: fairy
Loves: pink, Terrence, stars, bubblegum, Italy, nonsense, family, taking photos, hugs, sunshine, crazy french people, reading, HELLO KITTY!!
Despises: littering, bad grammar, ladettes
Fave Food and Drink: Haribo Star Mix and an authentic macchiato (not together)
Fave Movies: Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, Princess Bride, Labyrinth
Music: electronic
Political Persuasion: The Utopian Communists for the Advancement of Hello Kitty

Kitty DeCapitate likes super fun happy times!!!! YEA!!!!

Name: Ballistic Whistle
Position: Referee
Injuries: Ladyfist shaped cuts and bruises
Distinguishing Feature(s): Sock Suspenders
Theme Song: Spanish Flea
Height: Tall enough to know better
Age: Timeless
Sign: ~ Ballistic Whistle ~
Status: Taming the crack addicted Polar Bears
Hometown: Melbourne

If referees are the tool of the devil, I’ve taken the iron out of the hellfire and struck it on the Anvil of Justice.

Name: Lady Frankenstein
Number: 999
Position You Play: Blocker/Jammer
Injuries: Various Roller Scurvy bruises, Spiral Fracture of the Fifth Metatarsal.
Distinguishing Feature(s): Tattoos, Scars & a bottle of Jaeger.
Theme Song: Social Distortion - Mommy’s Little Monster
Height: 158 cm or 5′2″
Age: 25
Sign: Aquarius
Hometown: Perth, Western Australia
Occupation: Studio Madam @ Blood Brothers Tattoo
Loves: Vegan Treats, Burlesque, Lindy Hop & Jive Dancing, Sleepovers, Rum’n'Roll, Photography.
Despises: Liars, Untidiness & Folks who smell bad.
Penalties, Feuds, and General Bad Behavior: Drunken Tomfoolery & Excessive Partying.
Favourite Food or Drink: Skittles, Tofutti & Goose Island Cream Soda
Favourite Movie: Rumblefish
Favourite Book: James Ellroy - The Black Dahlia
Music: Punk Rock, Country, Bluegrass, Psychobilly, Rockabilly

Name: Poison Arrow
Number: 85
Position You Play: Jammer/Blocker
Injuries: Whiplash - Heavy Metal Accident
Distinguishing Features: the blood of my enemies underneath my fingernails… and a friendly smile
Theme Song: Poison Arrow - ABC
Height: 5′ 6″
Age: 25
Status: my girl’s the best
Blood Type: Pure Cardiovascular Venom
Birthday: Dec 1
Loves: kisses, foot rubs, baking, 80’s hair bands, zombies, Baywatch
Despises: arrogance, rudeness, letches, posers & emo boys in size 0 jeans
Penalties, Feuds, and General Bad Behavior: shirt pulling & flying elbows
Favourite Quote: I’ll swallow your soul!!!
Favourite Movie: Evil Dead
Favourite Songs: Fucking Hostile- Pantera, Thunder Kiss 65 - White Zombie

Name: Splint Eastwood.
Position: Head Referee
Injuries: No thank you.
Distinguishing Feature(s): Hairy
Theme Song: Elephant Walk - Balayeurs du Desert
Height: fiveten and a bit
Age: Neo-Classical
Sign: Penguins Xing
Status: AWESOME!
Hometown: Chelmsford

The stoic sentinel of justice known to humanity as Splint Eastwood came to planet Earth to bring law and order where chaos ruled. Like an unstoppable force of nature he is making slow but undeniable progress.

Name: Bambi Manslaughter
Number: .22
Position You Play: Whatever
Injuries: Fucked up kneecap ligaments
Distinguishing Feature(s): Figure of a chimney sweep, mouth of a fishwife
Theme Song: Grange Hill theme song (the ’80s one of course)
Height: Amazonian
Blood Type: Tasty
Age: I was born in ‘83 - work that out Einstein
Birthday: Bastille Day
Sign: Serious as
Sexual Preference: Schoolboys
Status: Confirmed spinster
Hometown: South London
Occupation: Assistant to a showbiz agent
Loves: Jeremy Bamber, Vietnam war films, gold, bruises, hardline feminism, Joy Division, the Rotters’ Club, Donna R, WWII, swearing in French, getting hit by N Emma Sis, Stephen Fry, Harry Potter fan fiction, the Birmingham accent, Cavalier King Charles spaniels, Asperger’s Syndrome
Despises: mushy peas, the 1990s, brown, men in general, the monarchy, people who aren’t polite
Awards and Good Behaviour: None (yet…)
Penalties, Feuds, and General Bad Behaviour: Foul-tastic jammer
Favourite Food or Drink: Bloody Marys, king prawns & caramel
Favourite Quote: “What is moral is what you feel good after’
Favourite Movie: A Hard Day’s Night and Detroit Rock City
Favourite Songs: ‘Space Truckin’ by Deep Purple, ‘Cold Sweat’ by Thin Lizzy, ‘Shout It Out Loud’ by Kiss, ‘Valley Girl’ by Frank & Moon Unit Zappa, ‘Sexy! No, No, No’ by Girls Aloud

Name: Slice Andice
Number: 8-ball baby
Position You Play: The one with eight wheels
Injuries: Like I’d tell you where to aim
Distinguishing Feature(s): My awesomeness
Blood Type: The spurting kind
Age: 28
Sign: Sagittarius
Status: Often Sideways
Hometown: Melbourne, Australia
Occupation: Misfit
Loves: Rollerderby (duh), Cookie Monsters, burlesque, retro pinups, historical medical instruments, tea and cake, people who buy me things, oh and Clayton Danvers *drools*
Despises: Icky things
Favourite Food or Drink: Burek, look it up
Favourite Quote: There’s a smell in here that will outlast religion.
Favourite Movie: The Pirate Movie
Favourite Songs: Song to the Siren (This Mortal Coil), Punk (Ferry Corsten), Underneath the Stars (Kate Rusby), Fine Night (Dusk Till Dawn – dub mix), Ieee Mitten Menu (Speedy J), Baby Its Cold Outside (Bing Crosby & Doris Day).

Team: Dame Busters
Name: Bruise Violet
Number: 27
Position You Play: Blocker, Pivot, Jammer
Injuries: Copious Bruises but nothing career ending to date
Distinguishing Feature(s): Twinkle in her eye when she sees her chance – and
a strong desire to attain more bruises in any way possible
Theme Song: Bruise Violet (Babes in Toyland)
Loves: Drinking, Loose Men, Tattoos and Hank Williams III
Despises: Offensive men (Italian men)
Awards and Good Behavior: I’m good at drinking on other peoples bar tabs
Penalties, Feuds, and General Bad Behavior: I am my own worse enemy so it is hard to say… but I do like to fall down when I drink regardless of if there are skates involved – hence the constant theater of bruises.
Favorite Food or Drink: Hot and Spicy anything… with a shot of Whiskey

More dirt:
Bruise Violet was born in a small town in Illinois, USA. This hard drinking woman wears short skirts, tight tops and shows her bruises with a passion that is generally reserved for artists showing their work. She uses bawdy language, chews tobacco (when cigarettes can’t be found) and is handy with a gun (water pistol and paint gun only). She has traveled from various and
sundry territories during her rough life and has a nickname of the “White Devil “.

The name comes from her dabbling in online voyeurism. During drinking season (which is really all year round but kicks off in the Spring), she would take photographs of her bruises … all were gotten on drunken binges in which she mysteriously fell or bumped or ran into the bar and woke the next morning to an array of purple and fog. Generally, the reason or story behind them, were mysterious, but the result was clear. She would thus name them like hurricanes (boy, girl, boy, girl) and post them on the web for all to see. If there was a memory behind them, there would be stories but more often there was just a date, a bar name and drinking companions. The favourite was the bruise right on the edge of her chin – indicating that while drinking, she may have lost consciousness and passed out – thus her face going down and hitting the table, chin first. It was a hypothesis that no one countered. Govern yourselves accordingly! She skates with a vengeance and her final wish is to be buried near her true love, Jack Daniels.

Name: Drolma
Number: 305
Position You Play: all of them
Injuries: none, thanks god
Distinguishing Feature(s): big curls
Height: tall enough
Blood Type: sweet
Age: 23
Birthday: October 14
Sign: Stop
Sexual Preference: With my man!
Hometown: Miami
Occupation: Trying to change the world.
Loves: food, skating, reading, movies, laughing, good company
Despises: negative energy and pessimism
Awards and Good Behavior: Nap Champ in High School Award, and proud of it.
Penalties, Feuds, and General Bad Behavior: back blocking weakness
Favourite Food or Drink: chocolate martini, margaritas, boddingtons yummy
Favourite Movie: Amelie
Favourite Songs: Rock with you

JJ takes out Anna Monoxide

JJ takes out Anna Monoxide <-- click here if you can’t see the vid’
I heard rumours that this clip was floating around the net…

After ten minutes trying to come up with poetic, metaphor laden expression about how I feel all warm and fuzzy inside seeing this as a coach; I decided that I would just shut up for a change and let the video speaks for itself.

To all the girls of LRG who put all their blood sweat and tears into training every week, you are the reason I own a whistle! xx

‘Mash