It’s 8am on Sunday morning. Around 50 sleepy London Rollergirls, refs, support crew, friends and family are an hour into a coach journey to Telford. Most of them have been up since 5 or 6am. Bad film classic “Mega Shark vs Giant Octopus” is showing - loudly - on the bus TV, and Raw Heidi is not a happy rollergirl.

8pm on Sunday evening. The scene is much the same, except the bus is heading back to London, the slightly-too-loud film on the bus TV is “Priscilla, Queen of the Desert”, and Raw, far from complaining, is happily cradling the day’s spoils: the Steam Rollers’ Tattoo Freeze trophy!

Several months ago we were invited to put on a roller derby exhibition at the Tattoo Freeze tattoo convention. Tattoos are awesome. Derby is awesome. A perfect match! We planned a four-team mini-tournament to feature our three league teams, plus a fourth team made up of some of the other top skaters in the UK from the Birmingham Blitz Dames, the Leeds Roller Dolls, the London Rockin Rollers, and Severn Roller Torrent.

The Ultraviolent Femmes and the Steam Rollers kicked off the day in a rematch of the LRG’s most recent intraleague bout, which had seen a convincing victory for the ladies in red. A pulsating encounter got the Tattoo Freeze crowd watching with keen interest. The Steam Rollers came flying out of the blocks and opened up an early lead, and at 15 minutes into the half hour bout with the score at 24-7 the game looked done, but the Femmes were having none of that. They fought harder than ever before, pulling level and then slightly ahead, almost entirely shutting out the jammers in red in the second half of the game to take the victory, 28-34.

The Suffra Jets lined up next to take on the Birmingham Blitz Allied Army. The Jets quickly asserted their authority on the game, pulling out a fearsome Denver-style defence to stop the Allied Army dead in their tracks and allow team captain Grievous Bodily Charm to rack up a massive 25-point jam in just the second jam of the game. The Jets continued to run rampant, despite some ballsy jamming from Leeds Roller Dolls’ Bruise ‘em Banshee, and rolled away with the comfortable victory at 86-20.

The Jets then remained on track to take on the rested Steam Rollers, still smarting from their narrow first-game loss. They came back out with renewed purpose and teamwork, and that, perhaps combined with the Jets’ decision to give some of their four bout virgins more track time, led to a surprisingly comfortable win for the short-staffed Rollers, 60-28.

The Ultraviolent Femmes then returned to the track to take on the Birmingham Blitz Allied Army in game #4. Buoyed by their earlier win and taking the opportunity to practice their own skills in stop-defence, the Femmes dominated the Army. At 47-11 around the 20-minute mark the game was still within their reach, but two huge jams from Vagablonde and captain Kamikaze Kitten, 14 and 19 points respectively, put it beyond doubt and the final whistle blew with 89-17 on the board.

Game #5 was a preview of the LRG’s next bout, Club Tropicarnage, as the Femmes remained on track to take on the Suffra Jets. Would the result indicate how next month’s meeting would go? Already gelled and working together as a unit, the Ultraviolents started strongly with an unanswered 15 point jam for Vagablonde. The Jets, again blooding their newer skaters and playing without the fearsome Stef Mainey, never managed to get a strong attack together. The jammers in blue were held back again and again, scoring in only two jams of the game, and after Ninjette posted two notable jams of 12 and 14 points each later on it was all clearly over and the Femmes rolled out and into the final, undefeated, with the score at 97-12.

The Steam Rollers needed a win to take them into the final for a rematch of the closely-fought opening bout against the Ultraviolent Femmes. With their minimalist dual-jammer attack of Fox Sake and Axis of Evon rested and refreshed after a two games on the sidelines, they headed out to take on the Allied Army. The Army fought hard and racked up their highest points total of the tournament, with Bruise ‘em Banshee again effective on the jam line along with Jack Attack of LRR, but the Steam Rollers just had too much firepower. An 18-point jam for Evon followed swiftly by a 15-pointer, and then later on a 20-pointer for Fox saw them comfortably into the final, 88-21.

The third place playoff was a rematch of Game #2 as the Suffra Jets played the Allied Army. The warmth in the room and the sheer amount of derby seemed to have taken its toll on the Army, the Jets’ jammers scything through their tired pack again and again with little response. Poison Arrow, Helen Nash, Lyla la Tiger and Dot Slash all clocked up three scoring laps each at various points to give the Jets the first 100+ points total of the day, the final score at 126-12.

The final, fittingly, was to be a rematch of the closest game of the day, the initial contest between the Steam Rollers and Ultraviolent Femmes. With a mere six points separating them in that game, and the Steam Rollers now out for revenge, this one was bound to be a hard-fought battle. It did not disappoint. The lead changed hands again and again, the two teams never more than a handful of points apart. Both teams played hard and defensively, with only one jammer (Vagablonde, once) ever making it back into the pack for a second scoring pass. Halfway through the Femmes held a narrow lead, 22-14, but it was from there the Steam Rollers staged their comeback, holding the white jammers scoreless for the next few jams and clawing back the lead, point by point. The score was 28-22 to the Rollers before the Femmes next scored. Going into the final jam the score sat at 36-28 to the Rollers. Not an insurmountable target by any stretch, and Vagablonde gave it her best shot, but she failed to obtain lead jammer status. Axis of Evon got held up by the Femmes’ pack long enough for VB to make one scoring pass and put 5 points on the board, but she sneaked out and got lead jammer just as VB came round for her second pass, allowing her to call it off before VB could do enough damage to pull the Femmes level, and the game finished with the teams just three points apart at 33-36.

The Steam Rollers celebrated, after collapsing to the floor to catch their breath, and were duly presented with the shiny glass trophy.

(all photos by Danny “Jay Pegg” Bourne)

Thanks to all at Tattoo Freeze for having us, and everyone who came up to support us and cheer us on! We’ll see you in February for Club Tropicarnage!

(woo video yay!)

Team Steam!

Great write up. Terrible early morning movie. Brilliant day - nail biting last bout, my heart is racing reliving it through text! Thanks to everyone who made this happen. Special props to the UFs who played some wicked bad derby and proved once again that they are the ones to watch in the league.