Diary of a baby zebra
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20 June 2011
When I told my friend Chris I was training to become a Roller Derby ref he had only one question for me: "Are you having a mid-life crisis, Max?" he said, resting a hand on my shoulder.
He had a point too; upon joining I'd simultaneously quit my oh-so cushy government job to again pursue a career in the film industry (the last attempt didn't really go too well), I was 31 and I'd decided on the derby name 'Beige Thunder'. The signs weren't good. If I'd gone out and bought a flash new motor I would probably have been undergoing a fully-fledged identity crisis. However, as I pointed out to him:
a) I couldn't afford a flash motor. Or a motor. But I did have a BMX.
b) I'd never actually grown up - sure, I was 31 physically, but mentally I was still in puberty. I think I plateaued at around 19 and never really recovered. So to claim I was regressing was ridiculous. 2-0 to me.
However, beyond all the above, there were some very good reasons why I was joining Roller Derby - it wasn't, as he insisted, about looking at girls' bums. For one, I'd get to do some exercise, which would be novel; secondly, I'd be able to keep a beady eye on my girlfriend who'd recently joined, not that I'm possessive (I SAW HER FIRST!); and lastly, I'd get to be involved in a sport I actually really liked. Which was a concept I've had to feed to my male friends in bite-sized chunks.
For years I'd been blindly following Premier League football without realising one thing - I don't really enjoy it. The players are, more often than not, overpaid imbeciles who can't spell (I follow them on twitter, I can't help it), the ticket prices are exorbitant, match-day atmosphere hostile and it's still perfectly acceptable behaviour to hate a stranger based purely on who they support.
Roller Derby was the antithesis of this for me. People had fun. They played Rage Against the Machine. I had a good time regardless of how the Femmes did (I've only seen them win once to date). It wasn't treated like the most important thing in the world, and above all there was always a nice vibe at a bout - between the teams and in the stands. People seem to genuinely love playing the sport even at an amateur level - it shows in the bouts and on the players' faces, and I respect people's commitment.
So I joined up. In my opinion, there are plenty of worse ways to spend my free time, and I wanted to show my support. I've now been skating for five weeks and I'm enjoying every moment of it. I'm still useless. Still confused by the rules. Still having difficulty moving cones and skating (co-ordination fail). But I'm getting there and hoping that eventually (touch wood) I'll be able to NSO one day without making a complete tit out of myself. I'll let you know how I get on.
